Why I Love My Son's 3 21s

James turned two last week and I am in a nostalgic mood.  We are finally starting to feel distant from the emotional struggles and exhaustion of the past few years which is refreshing, but we appreciate these years for the growth, faith, and love that we received and were able to give.  A friend recently had her twenty week sonogram and the doctors told her that they suspected Downs.  It was odd being on the "observing" side of the situation, but I was so glad that we could be there for her and her husband because it is a confusing feeling to hear that your son may have an extra 21st chromosome.

I remember well how confusing it is.  We couldn't figure out how to pray.  We wanted our baby just the way he was, the baby that we loved, the baby God had blessed us with, but should we pray away the struggles that come with the possibility of an extra 21st chromosome?  Every parent wants what is best for their child and it is hard to believe that mental delays and physical struggles (sometimes involving surgery) are what is best for him.

I have only just realized the best way to pray in these situations.  The only way to make heads or tails of wanting what is best while still accepting God's will is to ask for what is "good" for the child.

"Good" is so different from most parents' wishes: health, happiness, an easy life.  The sentiments are natural but not necessarily the most important.  Health and happiness will come and go (who hasn't had a rough relationship, a bully at school, terrible strep, or an ER trip with some crazy story?) and life needs character-forming struggles.   The best life is a good life.  "Good" goes deeper, it hits the core of who we are as people, how we see the world and interact with it.  "Good" is how we approach each conversation and action.  "Good" is how we love.

James certainly has a "good" life.  He radiates goodness and love to everyone he meets.   His interactions with others are the deepest level of goodness.  People I have never met like me because of my beautiful, friendly, happy James, my son that challenges me to be a better person, to give pure love.

Most people equate quality of life with health, success, happiness, and friends.  Because of this many "poo-poo" the quality of life of people with an extra 21st chromosome.  Oftentimes people with Downs do have medical struggles.  Because of mental delays people think kids with Downs won't succeed in education and other endeavors.  And with mental delays how will they be happy and develop friendships?  These people are severely mis-informed and, I believe, scared of people with Downs and have never met and interacted with a person with an extra 21st chromosome.  The health aspect can be difficult, but I can't tell you what a bright light James was through his hospital stays.  He flirted with every nurse and won everyone's hearts even in the midst of his struggles.  Mental and physical delays are not the cross everyone believes especially with the magnificent (and sometimes free) programs for development.  And it is incredible to see the happiness radiate from these kids and adults, the friends they develop and have for life.  It is just beautiful.  Who can say these kids will have a terrible quality of life?  They may have to work a little harder, but they certainly have a "good" life!

Back to the title of this post: "Why I Love My Son's 3 21s".  It is simple.  They make him who he is; the always happy, dancing, music-loving, waving, giggling, affectionate, stubborn, strong, social-butterfly that he is.  I wouldn't want to get rid of my son's third 21st chromosome because then he wouldn't be James.  We love him exactly the way he is and isn't that one of the best things to have in life?

James' third 21st chromosome means he will have to work harder than most kids, it will teach him determination, discipline, and perseverance.  It means he has a heart so open to others that he radiates love.  It means he will be a witness to the "goodness" of life no matter what the circumstance.  Can you imagine having that kind of joy in life?  I am sure that extra chromosome means so many things we have yet to discover and I can't wait to find out what this next year and the rest of his life brings.  There have been many difficult times, stressful situations and struggles, but, although he has been the one in pain, James has brought us through them with love.

I am grateful to James for the gifts he has given me just by being who he is.

Happy son on his second birthday!

With love.